To cope with changing people....

"False friends stab you in the back. True friends stab you in the front"


You probably have got an idea of how this post is gonna continue. For me, "friends for life" seemed to have replaced the idea of a lifelong marital relationship. He he...Of course, there are positive, wonderful friendships that are mutually beneficial to all friends that should last a lifetime. Too hypothetical? ?? May be. But there sure are other friendships that are negative, destructive, or unhealthy that can and should end. There may also be friendships that you thought were going well but, WOAH, all of a sudden, your friend stops returning your phone calls and won't answer your smses, no pre-paid balance, or whatever the reason; and the friendship ends. Weeks later you still don't know what went, and it still haunts you.

Here's some advice...too cliche, but better safe than sorry...

...some of your potentially destructive or harmful friendships may be difficult to spot. That's because when a friendship is forming, your friend may be charming, polite, and completely appropriate. Yeah...i can see you relate well to this. But once your friendship is well underway, a friend changes. The very act of becoming friends may send someone with intimacy problems into an emotional tailspin, changing those involved as well as their behavior toward each other. As friends become closer and more intimate, expectations also may arise so that disappointments become more likely, and painful, than during the early stage of the evolving friendship. Just specifying here that I'm talking about friends of either gender.

As a friendship that formed within a certain context, such as at school/college or at work, expands to include a multiplicity of situations and even other relationships, conflicts may arise that may derail the friendship. The longer you remain friends, the greater your investment in maintaining the friendship; you are more likely to ignore or try to defend negative behaviors. But you (or your friend) will be able to put up with only so much, and the friendship may last only until such an act of betrayal occurs that the situation has to be addressed and resolved, or the friendship will end...well, at least for me it did!

A myth of lifelong friendship has sadly ended giving me a large dose of reality. The romanticized ideal that friendships should not end or fail may creates unnecessary distress in those who should end a friendship but hold on, no matter what. They cling to the myth rather than understanding the relationship. And if friendships don't last, why to believe that they do?